I knew that I couldn’t stop once I promised myself several times that I would never do it again. Once the magical elixir touched my liver, I felt invincible that I could handle anything but that is not even what I am trying to talk about. It just became a factor in the mix. What was stopping me was the thing I already knew I was addicted to. It was a chain reaction, this lead to this lead to this! but where did this stem from? How could I save myself from indulging in my drink that brought me to this heart bursting disaster. No pun intended either.
Surrounded in the people, the music, and the connection made everything live. Made me think that I could handle it. The next day only entailed heart races, palpitations, and struggles within justifying to my anxiety attacks that I was going to be okay. I really don’t know if I was okay, but I couldn’t think of it at the time otherwise that feeling would last as long as I let myself believe it. Once I started to play around in it, I would be destined to do it all night. As a person living with anxiety, how could the one thing that could possibly kill me not be stopped by that thought?