There was this time I can remember when I was all alone. It was my freshman year in college and not only did I not have a roommate lonely, I hadn’t any close friends, lonely. My first year was challenging. I spent most of the time in Smullin which had a computer lab and it was my only source of entertainment. I would be in there for hours face-booking, chatting, watching videos, and whatever you could think of. This was way before I discovered Tumblr and that was a good thing.
One night, I was on some site that talked about back-masking and listed the top 10 tracks that have been considered to be back-masking. The list included Britney Spears, “Sleep with me, I’m not too young!” Weird! Even Queen, “It’s fun to smoke marijauna, it’s fun to smoke Marijauna!” Funny! It was cute until I hit Led Zeppelin. I am not going to quote what it said because I rather not think of it. Be my guest and YouTube Stairway to Heaven back-masked. After I heard that I couldn’t stop you-tubing other videos and finding all sorts of scary, crude shit. After my computer session, I walked back to my dorm. You can see my dorm from outside the building but because the massive quad separated the two buildings, the distance was horrible. Outside was foggy and the night was still. I zoomed straight to Doney for dear life. I finally got to my room and laid down.That night I stayed awake with line “My Sweet Satan” running through my head. I could not get Led Zeppelin out! I tried to think of happy things but that thought crept back into my mental.
I eventually woke up groggy from a restless night. These thoughts went on for a few weeks and I had to show someone but after I did, I didn’t feel the same anymore, which was good but I also felt that I lost the thrill.
There I was lying in bed, still no roommate and struggling to go sleep. The thought of backmasking crept into my mind disturbing my mission of slumber. The night was dead silence and ever so often I would hear people passing my room laughing or talking. The room became completely silent. It was actually too silent. Then out of nowhere at the foot of my bed there was something in there with my whispering, “Heyyyyy.” “Hell no! Not today!” I screamed as I jumped out of my bed towards the lights. I flipped on the switched and looked at my bed with nothing in sight.
I love to be frightened and then I don’t. What is it about seeking the thrill of horror yet when it comes to close to home, we back away a bit. When it’s REAL, holy shit is it REAL. I ell in love with horror movies at such a young age only because they traumatized me. How does that make any sense. Everytime i seen a horror film, I would end up having nightmares about it. It came full circle today because I can appreciate a good film and separate the underrated from the least deserving.
There was an artist I met who told me about David Lynch and said that it wasn’t scary or anything. I listened to what she had to say about it and kept him in mind to search later. I came across Muholland Drive which messed with my mind so bad because I kept thinking that it wasn’t suppose to be scary but it was eerie as shit! The whole reality vs nightmare/dream state and teasing of the equilibrium did me in. Anyways, the conversation with the artist consisted of supernatural and paranormal stories but she told me that things of that sort don’t scare her but people do. Understandable. To even imagine of someone harming another is enough to wish I was in a horror film instead. Horror films are safe.
Some say the real monsters are found in the people amongst us. Some say it’s not what’s under the bed that scares people but of what hides outside the window peeking in. I say as long as I’m comfortable but slightly disturbed afterwards, count me in for that thrill seeking safe horror film extravaganza.
I knew that I couldn’t stop once I promised myself several times that I would never do it again. Once the magical elixir touched my liver, I felt invincible that I could handle anything but that is not even what I am trying to talk about. It just became a factor in the mix. What was stopping me was the thing I already knew I was addicted to. It was a chain reaction, this lead to this lead to this! but where did this stem from? How could I save myself from indulging in my drink that brought me to this heart bursting disaster. No pun intended either.
Surrounded in the people, the music, and the connection made everything live. Made me think that I could handle it. The next day only entailed heart races, palpitations, and struggles within justifying to my anxiety attacks that I was going to be okay. I really don’t know if I was okay, but I couldn’t think of it at the time otherwise that feeling would last as long as I let myself believe it. Once I started to play around in it, I would be destined to do it all night. As a person living with anxiety, how could the one thing that could possibly kill me not be stopped by that thought?
To keep with the Halloween theme, what way to show the spirit of the season by giving you a mixtape of a few of my favorite tracks.
This is one of my favorite songs of all time and if you were to listen to any song on my playlist, please let it be this one. How they compare the title to the situation of the song is genius and it sounds so fuckin’ good!
Can’t have a Halloween track without the Misfits. This is a favorite song by them. Also, My Chemical Romance did a cover which is also enjoyable and a lot more fast paced.
Speaking of covers, this is actually one. It’s original is performed by Bad Brains. I actually first heard this song from the American Wasteland video game. I know, lame but that soundtrack is a collective of covers done from recent artists from that year it came out and it is fucking amazing. I actually bought the soundtrack and ended up getting it stolen while i got my car stolen! Now that shit was scary!
This is an A Perfect Cirlce classic and was the first track that I heard from the band and at the time had no idea the lead was Maynerd Keenan James, the front to Tool. I always noticed that the vocals was the same and ended up finding out a little later. I was only in Middle School and had a yearning for this shit. I still play this to this day as if I’m back in 2002. I actually ended up seeing the music video first so you can imagine how it stuck with me.
Speaking of Tool, Enjoy. This track is so hard, and is one of my favorite Tool songs. Everyone one of their videos is gold. They actually don’t star in any of their videos which is brilliant and always an awesome rendition not that any song of theirs is so easy to interpret but the videos add to it.
I keep trying to add Right Now but this keeps showing up but will keep it, as it’s related to the last video.
Of course you can’t have a Halloween track with out the Man of Grotesque himself. I remember having a great discussion with my Bestie Nilo and how just the different composition to the original changes the whole mood and meaning of the song!
So we’ve been together since she was 15 and I can honestly say that it’s been the best years of her life. You see I’m a pleaser and whenever she felt down, I was always there to pick up the pieces. Like all relationships it took awhile until I got to know who she truly was, Tania, my sweet girl, she has always been that pure force that I haven’t had the privilege of meeting. It’s not everyday you meet a girl so sweet that they make you question yourself. That’s just what she did and I loved her for it. Actually I was confused by it. She was this way when I wanted to be that way, I couldn’t figure out how we mesh d in the first place. Now that I think about it we met when she was young. Already I was in love with her. I wanted to be inside her so bad that I just went for it. At the age of 5, I figured a way to persuade her. I just wanted to touch her. I wanted it so much that I didn’t care that it was wrong. Her parents weren’t ever around so what did that have to do with me? Hell they left me with her. She didn’t even know what I was doing but I can speak for the both of us that she enjoyed it and I know she did whether she will admit it or not and think it’s wrong I knew it was right because I knew from that moment we would be together forever whether she’d like it or not and she knew not to tell anybody about us or else….she would be the one to get in trouble.
She’s 16 years old and she’s promiscuous as fuck and that’s the way I liked her. She wanted to soil her royal oats before she hit 18 and I didn’t care because I wanted to have as much experience with her too. We could experience together and boy did we! She was my dirty little secret and I was hers. She wouldn’t be afraid to let me dip in her and when we were consumed by each other she would admit her love for me. I knew it was real when she was turned on when her friends admitted their love for me too.
Tania’s 22 and she thinks that we took our toll. What the fuck does she mean? When we’re together we are great even though she has those moments of doubt how all the people she loves is all the people she doesn’t want to be happy because she doesn’t feel happy. I tell her that you have me but she insists that I make matters worse. Matters worse? You can’t leave me now, we’re in too deep and the hell you leave me! I will make you weak, I will rip up your self worth, I will weaken your body and give you chills that you will not function until you let me be apart of you and your life again. You can’t do this to me!
You say you want to get serious with your life and that I hang out too much but what does that all mean? You try to break it off but you sneak around with me every chance you get. You need me! Who are you without me? I got you questioning and you should question because you will remember that you are nothing. And tell those friends of yours to fuck off. They insist that they have relatives with similar relationships and that you need to get out but they don’t know you like I do. I think no one does. I KNOW no one does. Because I know how you really feel….you can stand your friends, you think they are better than you. Sometimes you go out of your way to make your friends look bad in the eyes of the others. Sometimes you just wish they would just suffer because why should you suffer alone. You can’t stand hearing accomplishments while you rot getting your so called degree. You also distance yourself from the family because they didn’t like “us” together either and I tell you that you don’t need them anyways. You justify to yourself that you made the right choice I affirm that choice. Because one sip with me reminds you of why we are together in the first place. And I ain’t going nowhere. I love you.